If I died today, I die with a huge smile on my face. Because I died trying. Trying to live life.
I got into an incident with my Vespa a few weeks ago. I say incident because it didn’t involve anyone else; it wasn’t an accident. The piston jammed up which caused everything to jam up, including the wheels. I lost control of my Vespa and it skidded. I went down with it. It happened on the KPE (Kallang-Paya Lebar Expressway) while I was heading home.
After I skidded, I got up as quickly as I could and tried to stay as calm as possible, thinking I had to get out of the way of oncoming cars as I had skidded in the middle lane. I looked behind me and cars had stopped, fortunately. I lifted my Vespa and struggled to move it. By this time, cars were honking and a congestion was forming.
I managed to remain clam. I could see from my peripheral vision, other motorcyclists had stopped at the side of the road. As I managed to get the gears of my Vespa in place and I started to move it to the side of the road, the motorcyclists moved on. One kind soul stayed and asked me repeatedly, “Are you ok? Are you ok?” He seemed a lot more anxious than I was. Guess I was still reeling with adrenaline and the whole event hadn’t sunk in yet.
I looked at him as he continued to question me. I didn’t answer him as I wasn’t sure. Haha. I looked at my body and saw a wound on my ankle and some grazes on my leg and elbow. But, I did not feel any pain. I patted myself down just to check if all was in place then I said to him, “I am okay”.
Thoughts Rushed In
I tried to start my Vespa but the throttle was stuck so there was no way to ride it. The kind soul said that he would take me out of the tunnel. Still in shock, I gathered myself and the things I needed from my Vespa and left.
The kind soul dropped me off at Sims Ave. I called the boyfriend, told him quickly what had happened and asked him to pick me up. As I waited for the boyfriend, the adrenalin started to wear off and the pain from the injuries started to surface.
With the pain came the thoughts. First, thoughts of impatience… why was the boyfriend taking so long? Then thoughts of what had just happened flooded my mind. I replayed the incident over and over in my head, wondering about the hows and the whys. Thoughts of disbelief, the what ifs and self sympathy circled in my mind… which no doubt affected me emotionally and I was starting to lose it… Then the boyfriend arrived.
On my way home, I had the opportunity to reflect upon the whole event. I decided I had a choice: I could continue to replay the incident in my head and continue to ask questions or I could take it as a lesson and learn from it and consider myself so very lucky. I could have been going faster, the crash could have been more severe. Cars could have crashed into me, I could have been driven over. I chose the latter. Tears of gratefulness and humility trickled down my cheeks.
Life Is Death
I hadn’t thought about my own mortality with such realism before. Death, like so many other experiences are only theories to us. We all know about it but do we truly understand it? I have been so preoccupied with the death of others that I have neglected my own. The truth of the matter is that I will cease to exist one day. That day may not be today, but that day will come.
It has been said that our mental state at the time of death will reflect how we have lived our lives. I am just starting to understand this now.
Want to know more about my experiences and how you can learn from them? Let’s talk… Drop me a line.